I’m Heather. I’m 19, turning 20 in July. Wooo. Not.

Just recently got out of a relationship that would have lasted a year this June.

Currently living in an apartment with my sister. Who saved me from having to pay 800 dollars by myself, after my 2nd roommate up and moved out while I was at work. My first roommate, also didn’t work out. (In conclusion, I need to live by myself.)

My best friend lives in Las Cruces and my other best friend will be moving to San Diego in 4 weeks.

I will be pretty much friendless by the end of June. Not excited about this.

Also, my lease ends June 30th. Which means, ahhh yes… moving back home. Which sucks, but at least I wont have to drive past my ex’s new apartment anymore, which is currently 5 minutes away. (ah, the timing of all of this is just pie.)

Drawing and painting is probably my favorite thing in the whole world. I’ve recently picked it up again. I haven’t seriously drawn since my first girlfriend and I broke up, which was in 2009. That relationship lasted 2 years, and somehow made me so sad, that the one thing that made me happy… made me more sad. Weird.

I’ve been out of school for a year because I was too concerned with having free time, being in love and being too damn stressed out. So now, I’ve lost my scholarship and will have to pay for school this Fall. Wooo number 29323048.

I work in a family daycare. I’m probably the youngest lead teacher you’ll ever meet. I love my job, but it’s starting to really wear me out, physically and emotionally. It makes me laugh that there are women who have a million children and land tv show’s, gifts, and help. Um, walk into any daycare. Six babies per one teacher is the norm and your expected to do it with no help. Or try being a two’s teacher, the ratio in there is 10/1.

The daycare I work at, their lease is also coming to an end and I will have to look for another job in a year.

In summary, I pretty much have to start my life from scratch. Yes, I’m bitter. No, I am not happy about it. But, I really have no choice. I can’t just sit around and be pissed off that everything around me is changing because it always will.

This could be good for me. No, this is good for me. This is probably the biggest turning point in my life because everything has to change all at once. It’s a much deserved smack in the face. It will make me stronger, probably meaner… it also forces me into being more extroverted (fuck, shoot me now), but it will make me do something I’ve never EVER been good at in my whole life and that’s make choices.

I’ve chosen to start drawing again. It’s the one thing I feel like I’m still good at and can actually maybe be successful in. (Dream. To make a living off of this.)

I’ve chosen that I can’t wait on school anymore. I NEED to go back this Fall. I will be an American Sign Language major. What the fuck will I do with this? Honestly, not sure yet. But I love it…

I’ve chosen to try and reconnect with all the people I’ve pushed away since 2008 and apologize for being the young, stuck up bitch that I was. Or finally apologize to all the people I’ve ignored because I was too busy being in love. I know I’ve ignored phone calls, texts, emails, blown you off and missed parties. I know I’ve pretty much used all of my friends for my own unhappiness and I know they know it. I am sorry.

I’ve chosen that I will sell my bike, and buy a new one. In hopes of re-motivating myself in doing something outside of the four walls I love so much, my room.

I’ve chosen to never let anyone decide who I can and can not hang out with. That I’m my own person and I make the decisions in MY life.

I’ve chosen that when the time comes to look for a new job, I will not settle and work at another daycare. No matter how good I think I am at my job.

I am trying really hard to mentally prepare myself for all of this. I am trying to be strong and confident in myself. Doing this alone scares me to death. I wish I had the support that I feel I need, but no one can do this but me..